Movie of Today (Transformers The Last Knight)

Today I went to see "Transformers: The Last Knight" in the theater. And well... Honestly I'm really not that surprised at how it turned out. I walked into the theater with little to no expectations whatsoever given the reputation of the series. Because well... Not surprisingly, its more and more of the same bullshit we've been forced to swallow for the past 10 years. Yes, people. Its been about a decade now since Michael Bay directed the first Transformers movie. And let's face it, while each movie sort of had a different plot and introduced more characters, ALL OF THEM have remained pretty much the same. But at this point, do we REALLY expect to see something different? Do we REALLY expect to see something truly epic and groundbreaking after four movies in a row? No! Of course not! You know why? Because they were ALL directed by Michael Bay! And with him behind the wheel, we really couldn't expect anything more or less. The direction is the same shit over and over again, the writing is the same shit, the focus is the same shit, the characterization of the robots (if any) is the same shit, the music is the same shit, the humor is the same shit, everything is the same shit. And its all shit. Okay, granted, the movie isn't all bad. It has some epic moments, and like "Age of Extinction", released in 2014, it leaves out the corny sex jokes that plagued the first three movies. But that's not saying very much. And its nowhere near as decent as the fourth film. For one, Cade Yeager, once again played by Mark Wahlberg, comes off as a smart-ass and a prick this time around. Is it a rule that all human protagonists in these movies should start off as being "okay" to being totally unlikable douchebags who don't know when to shut their mouths? Because I'm sensing a pattern here besides the fact that the movies have almost NOTHING TO DO WITH THE TRANSFORMERS. As a kid in the 80s, I loved Transformers. And I still think it has potential to have solid and groundbreaking movies based on it. Believe me, it HAS THAT POTENTIAL. But that potential is wasted. And despite the fact that I KNOW that each movie by Michael Bay is going to suck ass, I still keep watching them just to satisfy my curiosity, but with predictable consequences. So why do I bother watching these movies might you ask? Because I'm a fan of Transformers, and I always have these urges to check it out to see if it’s any good. Only to be disappointed over and over again in an endless cycle.

Now, I know I complain about this from time to time. But think about this for a moment, people. This whole thing with the focus on the humans instead of the alien robots has gotten old. It was excusable the first time around. Because in the first movie, we were just introducing them to the audience. But after the second and third time, it became one of the most common problems the films are notorious for. I mean imagine if they made the next TMNT movie that barely had anything to do with the Ninja Turtles, or if they made the next X-Men movie that had almost nothing to do with the X-Men, choosing instead to focus on characters who nobody gives a flying fuck about? Imagine how many people would be pissed off about that. And the thing is Michael Bay KNOWS that he's not giving us what we want. But he doesn't care about pleasing fans of Transformers so as long as the films make him money. Now before anybody corrects me, yes; I get that the robots were very expensive to use because of all their intricate details and so forth. And yet, studios in Hollywood have enough money to invest in that sort of thing. And its not like they can't make GOOD stories revolving around the Transformers (cough, the 1986 movie, cough). And they boast that the movie has "different writers". But apparently, these so-called "different writers" have the same tastes as the previous ones. In the Michael Bay universe, the movies HAVE to revolve more around the humans, because when it gets right down to it, the human stars are the only characters the writers have any interest in. And in their narrow-minded points of view, only with the human stars can they move the plot forward (if you want to call them plots given how poorly they’re handled and executed). And as soon as I left the theater, I wasn't really that disappointed because I was hardly surprised by what I saw. These writers are so stupid and incompetent that its a surprise they even got their jobs at all. This same thing has been going on for 10 years now that somewhere along the line, I just accepted it as part of this crazy cycle of Michael Bay ditching out one mediocre Transformers movie after another just for the sake of him making billions of dollars for profit. Because that's the thing; Michael Bay doesn't give a shit about the Transformers franchise, he just wants to cash in on it just to make a buck. Back in 2007, he NEVER wanted to make the first Transformers film. But now that he sees it as an easy and incredibly marketable paycheck, he's just not going to stop. He's going to make as many crappy sequels as he wants so he can have mountains of money to sleep on. Well, in that case, he has succeeded. But how long will it last until it becomes stale? Because people are going to grow bored of the same shit over and over again. It won't last forever. Now, I'm not going to review the entire movie since it only just came out. But I will go over some of it just for the sake of this entry.

I will say this much in the movie's favor; the movie does have a few good things going for it. For one, Quintessa (the name of Optimus' creator according to this movie) was an interesting villainess. I thought she was pretty cool. And it’s nice to have some female villains in the Transformers universe. Not to mention Quintessa is an obvious homage to the Quintessons from the original cartoon. Second, I like how Bumble Bee is given a somewhat more coherent voice to replace the radio that he used to communicate with. Because to be honest with you, he should have been speaking since the end of the first Transformers movie. And why they kept him mute up until this point is beyond me. That and him having to talk through the radio got old VERY QUICKLY. Third, its nice to see Hound, Drift, Crosshairs, and the Dinobots again, even though they serve absolutely no purpose to the plot save for what few action scenes they're in (in typical Michael Bay tradition). Fourth, I liked that robot Cogman, who served as Anthony Hopkins' butler and spoke with a British accent. He was pretty cool if a bit psychotic. I thought Hotrod was interesting as well. Although like I said before, it’s not the Hotrod who fans know and love from the G1 era. He's a completely different character who looks and acts NOTHING like G1 Hotrod at all, and speaks with a French accent instead of an American accent. In fact, this version of Hotrod was voiced by Omar Sy. But then again, it’s not like I expect Judd Nelson to reprise his role. Because let's be realistic here; Nelson is too old to give us that solid performance that he gave the character back in his youth. And besides, Nelson has moved on with his life since then, and since the disappointment that was the character's outing in Animated. In fact, now that I think of it, this isn't Hotrod. I refuse to call him that anymore. It’s just a random character who shares a familiar name. That's it. He has no alikeness to the character he's named after. If anything, this character shouldn't have been called Hotrod. Not that his presence in the movie matters that much because like all the other Transformers, he serves absolutely no purpose to the grand-scheme of the story. Because as we all know, the movies HAVE TO be more about the humans. In fact, the Transformers are so unimportant, that they might as well not even be in any of these movies. You might as well replace them with the Gobots or the Dinosaucers or whoever, and it wouldn't make any fucking difference! It would still be the exact same shit.

Remember how it was speculated that Hotrod would become Rodimus Prime and Optimus would die? Remember how I said that it was unlikely? Well, it turns out I was right; history didn't repeat itself, Hotrod didn't replace Optimus Prime (not that I was expecting that to happen mind you), but his fate is unknown at this point. And gee, what a surprise, it turns out that Yeager is the title of this movie, "Last Knight". And not only that, but he is the only one who can wield a magical Cybertronian sword. Why couldn't it be any of the Autobots? Oh of course! The movies barely have anything to do with the Transformers! Silly me! I should have known that by now! To add to the stupidity of this movie, there’s one part where Optimus is about to be executed by a Cybertronian knight. And get this; Cade Yeager stops a THIRTY FOOT TALL robot with a tiny sword that forms out of his hands! Yes! A PUNY HUMAN stops a THIRTY FOOT TALL ROBOT ALL BY HIMSELF! Ummm… BULLSHIT! I don’t care how magical or how special that sword is! That robot would have sliced Yeager RIGHT IN HALF! And that sword wouldn’t be enough to protect him! This is just bullshit! It goes against common sense and the laws of physics! But then again this is Michael Bay we’re talking about. We get brief moments where the focus is on King Authur and World War II (not that this is really important to the film). And some random British woman turns out being a descendant of the wizard Merlin, and is the only one who can wield a magical Cybertronian staff. Again, what does this have to do with Transformers? At least 90% of the movie focuses on human characters talking random shit and giving the backstory and exposition that never amounts to anything. It takes up a great majority of the film, and all this spending an hour explaining the backstory just bores the shit out of me. It doesn't get me invested into the story at all. I found it surprising that Anthony Hopkins was in this train-wreck of a movie. Honestly, I think this movie was a waste of his time and talent. Also, how the hell did Galvatron become Megatron again? Megatron had just become Galvatron in the previous movie. But now he's back to being Megatron again? What the hell sense does that make? I guess Michael Bay either just forgot, or he just didn't care about continuity. It also doesn't help that Megatron serves no purpose in this film at all. Talk about a waste of a character. And why does Optimus Prime keep saying "I am Optimus Prime!" over and over again? Does he have turrets syndrome or something? Since when did Optimus become Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy? Umm... Bay! Optimus Prime is NOT A FREAKING POKEMON! It’s one thing to say an epic line a few times, but NOT ALL THE TIME! And speaking of Optimus Prime, he was barely even in the movie at all. And this thing with him being evil didn't last for long, and was resolved within 2 minutes during his battle with Bumblebee! Because get this; all it takes to snap Optimus out of his “evil state” was for Bumble Bee to say “Optimus, I would lay down my life for you.”, and *POOF* Optimus is back to normal again! Gee. Talk about forced and contrived. To add further insult to injury, Optimus was absent for the majority of the movie save for one scenes where he gets corrupted by Quintessa (which would have been an interesting plot device if it was done well), and towards the end where he becomes good again! Gee, big shock!

And lastly, they ripped off a plot from one of the episodes from "Transformers Prime", which was actually a good show by the way. And what was that plot might you ask? Why, its the one in which Unicron is the Earth itself! And the story is Quintessa wants to destroy Earth, therefore destroying Unicron in the process. So, after about a decade of speculation, they finally decided to drag Unicron into this mess of a film series? Gee, I wonder how THIS will turn out in the disreputable hands of Michael Bay... Maybe I don't want to know. Even though they say that "The Last Knight" is going to be Michael Bay's last Transformers film he will direct, somehow I doubt that. Because (spoiler alert), this movie ends on a cliffhanger. That, and Michael Bay is clearly obsessed with the brand. So I seriously doubt this will be the last one. No, there's going to be more for sure. But honestly, I think the series has worn itself out by this point. The only things that makes any of Michael Bay's Transformers movies so great are the CGI special effects and the robots. That's it. But in terms of storytelling, they leave so much to be desired. Granted, the finale of "The Last Knight" is perhaps the most entertaining thing about the movie. But this is a common theme for most of these movies. They all follow the same pattern; its "filler, action scene, filler, action scene, epilogue, rap it up." Rinse and repeat. But there are some good moments in the film and it has its epic scenes such as the parts where Optimus and the Autobots kick ass. That's the only thing I really cared for. So I will say that in the movie's favor. But all in all, this movie sucks. It has its moments, but in the end, its just the typical run-of-the-mill Transformers movie. It has an interesting storyline and some interesting ideas, but its all overshadowed by the human stars, the lame storytelling, the forced and contrived plot devices, and the lousy direction. But then again, I wasn't expecting anything epic or groundbreaking. By this point there's really nothing to expect anymore from this series. If Michael Bay can't do a good job with this series, then I am done with it. He can make all the crap he wants. But I'm not going to waste any more money if each Transformers movie is just going to be the same shit repeated over and over again. In conclusion, this movie is like a Disney sequel. It was unnecessary, it was mostly forgettable, had wasted potential, and its not something that I would really pay money to watch again. There is no doubt in my mind that some people will like this movie, as there are fans who boldly defend Michael Bay's decisions (my brother included). However, I came away with feeling that this film could have been so much more. This movie (as well as the previous Transformers movies) could have been more solid and memorable, if they had hired a different director who actually had respect for the franchise, and actually cared about quality. But sadly, this is yet another wasted opportunity. Yes, I know that Transformers is a toy marketing franchise. But that is no excuse to make the movies as bad as they are, and there is no reason why the movies couldn't have been better thought out, better executed, with a more driven plot and story, better developed characters, more balance on the focus, and not be afraid to be more loyal to the source material. But that's just my opinion. You guys are free to agree or disagree with my opinion. Not everybody takes experiences in the same way.

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